Blue Christmas

I’ve dealt with anxiety for many, many years of my 23 year-old life, and depression for the last 4-5 years (it started up towards the end of college). I’ve done therapy with various counselors and methodologies, taken different medications, tried journaling, herbal supplements…you name it, I’ve tried it to break free of the funk. I’m still frustrated daily by these mental blocks.

Lately, these feelings have been bogging me down more and more. I haven’t been going to the gym, which kept them at bay for a long while, I haven’t seen a counselor since college (because my college counselor was awesome and no one can compare to him), and the weather has been dreary and depressing which doesn’t help.

I’m glad that the mental health stigma, at least for these two issues, seems to be waning. A ton of my friends are openly in therapy, and make a point of being self-aware in our conversations. I feel understood within my current social groups. My friends encourage, rather than ridicule.

Originally, this post had a direction I wanted it to go, but somewhere in writing, I lost that and it turned more into a rambling reflection. I think I’m more mindful of my feelings during the holidays because so much time is spent with family, and you’re supposed to be having a great happy time from mid-October through New Years. This year, I’m determined to not be down during the happiest time of the year. I used to love every part of Christmas, and it didn’t take effort, it just was. This year, I’m going to focus more on what really matters-my faith, my family, and the happiness of others. We picked kids off the giving tree at the mall today, and I look forward to buying gifts for the teenage girl I selected (and buying her a kickass journal, per her request). I’m excited to make cookies with my husband and Christmas crafts with my friends. I’m looking forward to having a quiet Christmas Day, just the two of us. I’m going to pull myself out of the dark for this beautiful season.

More (coherent) later, when I’m not on the verge of sleep. I’ll get this blog thing figured out yet.

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